Has anyone else noticed that Bronco Berry sauce isn't made of real bronco berries anymore??? HELLO?! We're worried about GMO corn and food chain integrity and nobody has brought this up yet?!
Arby's: We had the meats, and we assure you we're doing everything in our power to contain them again and keep the public safe.
Arby's: We had the meats, and we're currently working with the National Transportation Safety Board, The U.S. National Park Service, and Arizona public safety officials to review the footage and determine what steps are necessary to regain control of the meats.
Arby's: We had the meats, but they have escaped capture and gained immense power. Civilians as well as three battalions have taken casualties. We're retreating to the east to regroup and wait for supplies with higher firepower. In the meantime, stay in your homes, barricade your doors and windows, and do not allow yourself to be tricked by the scent of roast beef and horsey sauce. We had the meats, but now the meats have us. May God have mercy on our souls.
Love? I no longer feel love. Only anger. Rage. The contempt of a man whose family has been torn away by the onslaught of the meats. Driven to madness by the hubris of Arby's. The only bah dah bah bah bah echoing through my head now is the rhythmic gunfire as those brave souls fight the enemy. I'm sure I will never be loving it again. We tried to do the responsible thing, but corporate greed got the better of us. Every time we contained it, they would make us bring it back -- the McRib. And now that Arby's has let its meats escape, the McRib has joined them and morphed into something profane. Now we are truly the clowns, and no meal will ever be happy again.
Arby's Investigative and Reconnaissance Force (AIRForce) has discovered possible arcane knowledge in the archives of the abandoned field office in Idaho. Something to do with potato-craft and sigils and Memphis design style. The Arby's menu has three fried potato formations whose shapes correspond to design elements evocative of Memphis style: curly fries (spring or half circle), crinkle fries (zig zag), and potato cakes (triangle). It's possible that the recent removal of potato cakes caused the breach, and while Arby's quickly brought them back to the menu, it was too late and the damage was already done. More research to follow.
This is going to sound stupidly obvious, but I wanna say it on the record: this didn't have to happen. I remember -- Christ, was it a decade ago? -- a real life version of Daria's sister (Gwen I think?) showing off some strawberry and lettuce ordeal on TV. This was a few years before "We have the meats." Wendy's and Arby's were shacked up at the corporate level and we shoulda knew something was going on. The thin, wispy, hip Wendy was a joke. The real Wendy was more like Bette Middler in Hocus Pocus -- and twice as witchy. But see it was different with Wendy's, they had it flipped around. Instead of forming their sigils and sacred geometry with potatoes, they sold the fuckin' things whole with just a slot for toppings -- all the geometry was in the square beef patties. And who knows what Arby's picked up here and there from the teachings of Wendy? She had it all figured out, doing magic in one hand while waving a salad in our stupid faces with the other.
What were you thinkin', Arby's???
Has anyone else noticed that Bronco Berry sauce isn't made of real bronco berries anymore??? HELLO?! We're worried about GMO corn and food chain integrity and nobody has brought this up yet?!
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ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA Arby's was founded in Boardman Township, Ohio, on July 23, 1964, by brothers Forrest (1922–2008) and Leroy Raffel (1927–2023) A LIKELY STORY CONSIDERING CERTAIN MEMORANDUMS TWENTY YEARS EARLIER.
MEMORANDUM
DEPT. ARBY'S SPEC. HANDLING
ECHO RECRUITING (DASHER)
FEB. 18, 1944
LOOKING INTO REPORTS OF DASHER RECRUITS
TAKING SAMPLES OF THE MEATS IN TRANSIT.
THE COLONEL WON'T LIKE WHAT HE FINDS IF
HE SEES THE DELIVERIES AREN'T MAKING IT
TO THE RIGHT DOORS. WE NEED TO GET HOLD
OF THESE DAMNED DOOR DASHERS AND "IMPLANT"
SOME SENSE EVEN IF WE HAVE TO DO IT THE
HARD WAY.
USE OF BRONCO BERRY SOLUTION Z-52
AUTHORIZED.
DON'T FUCK THIS UP.
RONALD
witness
this little horsey went to market
this little horsey stayed home
this little horsey is sauce now
are you reading this all alone?
babe, what's wrong? you barely touched your bronco berry sauce
yeah sure its a restaurant from ohLIEo that's a good one.
"In 2010, Arby's opened a restaurant at Ft. Bliss" -- wikipedia
How long have the military and the meats been hand in hand? I guarantee every soldier at Fort Bliss is getting HANDS ON with all of the meats and playing around with their weapons just waiting for the whole thing to pop off. You know who else had the meats? Napoleon and his military. They would have taken over everything if YOU KNOW WHO didn't intervene with YOU KNOW WHAT. They sent a spy to hide a finger in the chili to DISTRACT the US NEWS MEDIA and the public and cause chaos.
the apple and cherry mockeries didn't work the apple and cherry mockeries didn't work the apple and cherry mockeries didn't work and i knew it wouldn't and they didn't listen to me. 1t d03snt m4tt3r th4t th3yr3 tr14ngul4r l1k3 th3 potato cakes th3 m34ts kn0w th3 d1ff3r3nc3. m4yb3 1t w0uld h4v3 w0rk3d w1th br0nc0 b3rr13s but the extinction event m34ns w3 c4n n3v3r try...
June 8, 1988
Dr. Griebler was recently visiting
a colleague in Southeast Asia and had
an idea. There's this sushi thing they
call a kimbap that's got the triangular
shape we've been looking for.
Now we can't likely do this exact same
thing back here in the states at every
single Arby's, but chopped potato
could reasonably make the same shape,
and instead of seaweed we can bind the
shape with Starch Agent 46-b-1 and get
pretty close.
Dr. G. Waterbury
